So tonight at the gym...

I was at my MMA gym tonight and this new guy showed up. He had all new gear (head to toe Tapout no less) and he even brought his girlfriend (I guess to show her how uber manly he is). Now I don't mind working with new guys, but this dude had "tool" written all over him, so I was pretty bummed when our coach directed him my way. But I figured, "What the heck, it's just some basic drills." Anyway, the dude comes out swinging like he's fighting Iron Mike circa 1990. Just pounding the pads like nobody's business. I usually don't correct people unless they ask, but this guy's technique was so bad that I couldn't let it pass.
So I'm like, "Hey man, be sure not to reach for the pads. You're carrying your head too far in front of you."
He says, "I'm a boxer. This is how you do it in boxing."
I think, "Where did you learn to box? Watching 15 year old back yard brawlers on Youtube?" But I just say, "Ok, man."
At this point we're literally 3 minutes in and this dude is sucking wind like some sort of busted jet intake and he waves the coach over. He's all bent over with his hands on his knees wheezing for a every breath and he says, "Man I'm used to boxing, this is nothing like boxing [I'm thinking, "You're right, this isn't LIKE boxing, it actually IS boxing] Can I get some water?"
The coach looks at me like, "WTF?" I just shrug my shoulders.
My coach says, "Sure, go get some water. You don't need my permission."
So the guy goes over and just lays down spread eagle on some wrestling mats. I can practically hear this guy sweating from across the room. A few minutes later I hear him tell the coach that his girlfriend needs to...umm...leave for a job interview and...uh...he's her ride, so...um...maybe he'll come back by next week.
I doubt it.

I love people like this... they make life so entertaining. There was a guy in a jiujitsu class I took a long time ago that was a black belt in "tai kuon do." He'd be all badass showing up for class, but then be weazing and puffing and almost crying about 15 minutes in. His excuse was that he was conditioned for tai kuon do, not jiujitsu. I'm almost 75 pounds overweight and I wasn't as wrecked as this supposed "master." Just admit you're a lazy f*** and get winded easily.

WE had a guy like that on our hockey team. He thought he was the second coming of Chris Pronger. Sure he could hit like Pronger but had zero hockey sense at all. Big, slow and dumb. Really wish we could conduct trades in our league, cuz we could really use a better skate sharpener. Needless to say with his big mouth and small game he was not a teammate fav. If he decides to play next season(which I doubt) I don't think I will opt in. To say he and I did not get along would be an understatement. During practices he was always trying to knock me off my skates. Usually ended up on his butt cuz the only way he could complete a check was if the skater wasn't paying attention. People like this or Mr. Tapout make me laugh for a little while, but as time goes on they just start to grate on me.

Now I don't mind working with new guys, but this dude had "tool" written all over him

This part makes me laugh every time